We are getting very different responses from our subscribers about their feelings about sex and orgasms during the pandemic. Some of our subscribers say their sex lives have drastically improved due to the quality time being spent together. A large amount of responses describe drops in libido, sexual encounters and sadly, communication. Lack of communication can cause damage to all aspects of our relationships. Particularly, as it pertains to sex!
Here is a holiday that I am DEFINITELY marking my calendar to show a recurring holiday. National Orgasm Day occurs each year on July 31, 2020.
This national holiday was first celebrated in 2007 as an off-shoot of International Female Orgasm Day.
According to Wikipedia:
“The country of origin for this holiday was in Esperantina, Brazil in 2007. A councilman by the name of Arimateio Dantas passed a law requiring men to ensure their wives orgasm in order to raise awareness for female sexuality and to reduce the stigma and taboo surrounding it.”
I cannot help but smile thinking of what would happen if I sued my husband and brought him to court for not making me reach my peak!!! Makes me laugh out loud. (As I am writing this, he heard me cackling and wanted to know just what was so funny!)
The best reason for this law was to repay a “sexual debt” to his wife. How exciting! Much better than a honey do list!
There are several ways to celebrate this holiday. This is an opportunity to be particularly creative. It is also a perfect time for self-discovery if you are among those women that do not frequently or have never felt an orgasm. If you do not know what causes you the most pleasure, it is virtually impossible to put your needs into the proper words.
It is important to remember that pornography gives an embellished view of orgasm. It further enforces unrealistic expectations of the entire sexual experience. Once you are aware of this, pornography in its proper perspective can be a relationship enhancer.
The obvious and most enjoyable method would be to plan on orgasming on National Orgasm Day! I am always ready for an exciting date night culminating in La Petite Mort! (The Little Death).
Another reason for this holiday is to raise awareness for the health benefits of orgasms. Sex is healthy and beneficial for your general well-being. When both partners are sexually appeased, it has a direct impact on the quality of our relationships, and the closeness we feel toward our partners.
Another purpose of this awareness holiday to to bring attention to the fact that many of us (mostly women) are in the practice of faking their orgasms.
What are the reasons behind the faking phenomenon?
In many cases, religious and societal norms do not place any emphasis on the woman’s needs, concentrating on males being the dominant force in the relationship. Simply, a woman’s job is to provide pleasure to her husband, never considering her own needs and what provides her pleasure.
In the instances of previous sexual trauma, there are myriad reasons behind not concentrating on personal pleasure, comfort levels or intimacy. Counseling and discussion with physicians can help you learn to prioritize your own needs. More importantly, helping you with communication to your partner of your apprehensions, needs and specific toleration of sexual actions.
Self-esteem and self-consciousness are also reasons many women are not experiencing the pleasure and release that orgasms provide. If your thoughts are centered on being “less than in any way”, your pleasure will be directly impacted.
In conversations with my team, when asked about our next July article, almost every female secretly smiled and turned her head when I discussed the large numbers of women who faked orgasms.
When you are thinking of the different stressful issues in your world, thinking about the anger and frustration that you have because of dissatisfaction, the chances of your encounter culminating in orgasm are drastically reduced.
These are but a few of the reasons that women never reach the zenith. Do you find yourself assigning blame? Do you believe something is wrong with you? Is your husband solely responsible for ensuring your pleasure and satisfaction?
If you are internally assigning blame, chances are good there is a communication divide with you and your partner. If you are healthy and there is no reasonable
explanation for your lack of satisfaction, you may require additional assistance from your partner in that department.
Consider adding clitoral stimulation to your self-exploration/research:
According to Michael Castleman of Great Sex Guidance, in his article entitled “Why So Many Women Don’t Have Orgasms”,
“Over my 40-plus years as a sexuality journalist and counselor, I’ve heard many psychologists insist that women’s sexuality is so complicated and individual that the “cookbook” advice found in “sex manuals” is simplistic and largely beside the point. Perhaps. But with all due respect to women’s emotional complexity, this study shows that the key to women’s erotic satisfaction and orgasm is the sex itself, specifically direct stimulation.”
There are numerous studies that reveal that women want more time to build up with foreplay, cuddling, hugging, touching, massaging and intense touching before intercourse. The timeline between women and men being ready for intercourse is very different for each party.
In an article by Medical News Today entitled “The female orgasm: What do women want?”,
“…...What is clear is that, biological pathways and anatomical details aside, women know how the clitoris fits into their personal experience of orgasm.”
Ladies, it is important to remember that not all men are concentrating on your pleasure, even though they should be. Women in longer term relationships have a better idea of what they want, how they want it and most importantly, they have no problems discussing these things with their partners.
Are you left wondering whether or not your partner TRULY had an orgasm? Or, if your partner was faking?
According to Healthline, in their article entitled “Anyone Can Fake an Orgasm-but You Don’t Have to If You Don’t Want to”,
“Everybody’s orgasm looks, sounds, feels, and is experienced differently.”
“But here’s the thing: You shouldn’t be trying to suss out whether the person in your bed is fake-orgasming or not.”
What if having an orgasm is painful? Is something wrong with me? I thought this was supposed to be enjoyable!
It is possible for some women to experience pain with intercourse and subsequent orgasm. This condition is know as dysorgasmia. This condition can stem from pelvic floor dysfunction.
Here is another article by Healthline that you may want to check out:
“Orgasm Shouldn't Be Painful – Here’s How To Find Relief!” and some other articles on our blog discussing pelvic exercises:
We have promoted and discussed the importance of performing pelvic floor exercises in several of our articles. In fact, we have an article soon to be published reiterating the importance of pelvic floor exercises not only for women, but for men too!
Persistent and repetitive exercises can help with your sexual experience. If after prolonged use of pelvic floor exercises, and there is no appreciable change in your sexual experience, it may be time to see out the help of a pelvic floor physical specialist/therapist for assistance. Do not ever despair though. With enough motivation and research, you can find the perfect combination of things to try to help you achieve.
ne plus ultra!
Another article that you may be interested in by Michael Castleman of Great Sex Guidance entitled: “Can we teach men to correctly enter and move for us women to climax in the primary position?”
Editorial Note: While we encourage the continual use of pelvic floor exercises for optimum sexual pleasure, we particularly encourage the use of these exercises for use with Le Snuggle. Our product’s performance is enhanced by the strengthening of the pelvic floor muscles, but there are other added benefits of pelvic floor exercises such as supporting organs to reduce incontinence, as well as to produce stronger contractions during orgasm.
Here is the link to our article previously published entitled: “Non-Surgical Solutions for “Loose” Vaginas”
“Many lovers are ‘off to the races’: Hurtling towards orgasm, they miss the excitement of sensual meanderings along the way.
- Alexandra Katehakis, Mirror of Intimacy: Daily Reflections on Emotional and Erotic Intelligence