Dear Le Snuggle: How Our Relationship Has Been Affected By Covid-19

Welcome to our "Snuggle Sunday" Q & A series, where our blog authors respond to frequently asked questions and offer advice.
Editor’s Note:  To date, we have not centered any articles around comments or letters received from our customers/subscribers.  We receive a lot of feedback on Sundays compared to the rest of the week and we felt compelled to respond to this particular letter sent to us via snail mail. 
We are keeping his name and address anonymous for privacy concerns.

Dear Le Snuggle:

My wife is petrified of getting the virus. And I truly do understand her fear. She has numerous health issues and comorbidities which throw her into the high risk category for Covid-19.

As the case numbers rise, and we now know several people that have or have had the virus, her fears are escalating. The stress level in our house is negative and palpable.

Not only has sex not been on the menu, I have received zero affection or appreciation for any added chores I have undertaken. All to provide additional protection for my wife and her well-being.

I know I am not the only person in this situation right now. I guess I sound whiny, but I need the physical connection with my wife. I think she could care less that I feel this way. Apparently, I do not understand that people are in dire straits right now. I doubt that our arguing is what you meant about the need to communicate effectively and be honest about sex.

Well. Your frustration is coming through loud and clear. Rather than take a side or render my personal opinion, I think that giving you a volume of information to digest may help you place these issues into perspective, allowing you to formulate a solution that will be mutually beneficial for both you and your wife. 

Fear is one of the many things right now that can diminish libido. Have you tried discussing things outside of the bedroom when you are both receptive to hearing each others points on this sticky subject?

Does your wife’s medical issues prevent her from having intercourse with you?

If sex is painful, have the two of you discussed the specifics with your wife’s treating physicians?

A candid discussion about the necessity of intimacy in your relationship, as well as both of your definitions of what you both believe intimacy to be seems to be in order.

Do you both utilize foreplay to enhance the experience or, is there a disparity between partners? 

Do you know all of the reasons why your wife is not on the same page as you are regarding your sexual relationship?

There is nothing normal or usual occurring in 2020. The impact of this pandemic is affecting us in myriad ways. Both physically and emotionally. The two of you do not have to agree on everything, but you do need to respect your relationship and each other enough to discuss the things that are working, and those that need to change.

Not addressing the elephant in the room will only lead to more frustration and even less communication.

“Avoidance doesn’t solve anything; it merely serves as a temporary salve.”

                                                                           Tony Dungy

I do not know how long you have been reading our blog, but I am going to give you the titles and links to five of our previously published articles that may offer some guidance. They are as follows: 

  1. “Make Your Partner A High Priority”
  2. “4 Foreplay Essentials”
  3. “5 Criteria Necessary For a Calm Conversation About Sex”
  4. “How Do You Define Intimacy?”
  5. “We Used To Have Spark And Sizzle" 

I hope that these articles will give you some innovative ideas that you can both utilize for mutual satisfaction. Many times, when anger and frustration builds without honest discussion, some of the easier solutions to boost intimacy are often overlooked. 

We are going to devote our next article to ideas of “How To Show Your Spouse You Love Them During The Holidays.”

Hopefully, I have given you a lot of food for thought, as well as a few sexy ideas to bring back that loving feeling that brought you together to begin with.

If both of you make an honest effort to change the way things are and things still do not improve or decline further, it may be time to reach out for professional expertise.

Remember that your relationship is worth the work necessary to get back on track. Good luck. Stay tuned for our next article coming out soon!