Welcome to our "Snuggle Sunday" Q & A series, where our blog authors respond to frequently asked questions and offer advice.
Editor’s Note: To date, we have not centered any articles around comments or letters received from our customers/subscribers. We receive a lot of feedback on Sundays compared to the rest of the week and we felt compelled to respond to this particular letter sent to us via snail mail.
We are keeping her name and address anonymous for privacy concerns.
Dear Le Snuggle,
"How do you deal with a spouse who is no longer interested in sex?"
Thank you for reaching out to us. We are happy to be able to provide some insight on how to cope with this situation.
Because we do not know the specific details of your marriage, we are going to give you our advice and urge you to have a very REAL conversation with your partner. If you have followed our blog, you know that open and honest communication is one of your most valuable tools.
According to Michelle Matthews, in her article entitled “How To Talk About Sex Issues With Your Partner”, "You begin with how it makes you feel."
To many men, sex is the equivalent of saying I love you. Ms. Matthews explains that arguments were futile. She further states that all of her words of reassurance meant nothing, not because he did not believe her, but because he needed the physical act to back it up.
Her article is heartfelt and deeply personal. She provides a cheat sheet for how to speak to your partner.
Many of Ms. Matthews’ suggestions are ones we cover over and over. Elevated communication is an ongoing process that requires work, attention, and a strong bond between the two of you. Many thanks to Ms. Matthews for graciously allowing us to highlight her article.
View her cheat sheet here.
Before you set the stage for this extremely important conversation, examine your daily life and habits, as well as the health status of both spouses.
Once you have both evaluated your individual situations, it may become necessary to involve your physician and/or a counselor to get to the root of the problem.
Keep in mind that you cannot solve a problem that you cannot define.
Without knowing the intimate details of your married life, as well as that of your spouse, I can only give you advice on how to communicate more effectively, where opinions are not taken as criticisms, but valid issues worthy of further CALM discussion.
And, to offer you encouragement. If your attempts to solve this situation so far have failed, try a different route. But keep trying. Good luck to you. Feel free to write back to us and update us on your progress.